Clarabell's Big Surprise
"Clarabell's Big Surprise" is the third episode of the second series of Sweet Sow, and the seventh overall. Plot While staying at their hotel room in Rome, the floating disembodied head of Robert Raccoon appears and invites Peppa and Mummy Pig over to a "press conference" in Lemington that revolves around Clarabell the Clown's biggest, untold secret. They visit the headquarters of Ezaccess, where the special event is being hosted. Pop culture references ensue. Script Part 1 (Peppa Pig and her mother are inside their hotel room in Rome.) Mummy Pig: I want my tenth bottle of vodka. Peppa: (singing) Hello from the other- Mummy Pig: For fuck's sake! All I want is a bottle of vodka. (The hitchhiker appears in a Butler outfit.) Hitchhiker: Hey, hey hey! Voice: (offscreen) Bill Cosby was an actual serial rapist. Mummy Pig: That's not actually true. Those are false rumors, like the ones with Jimmy Savile. Voice: (offscreen) What? (passes a giant poop) HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEY!!!! Mummy Pig: The truth hurts so much, you just passed a Fat Albert. By the way, Uncle Jimmy was a good person, unlike that imposter, Marvey Harvey. Voice: (offscreen) Nope. You're the imposter. Mummy Pig: Die. (Mummy Pig uses her laser-shooting eyes to kill whoever's speaking.) Peppa: Let's watch TV. Robert Raccoon: (offscreen) Hold up! Peppa: Who are you? (The floating disembodied head of Robert Raccoon appears.) Robert Raccoon: It's me, Robert Raccoon. Mummy Pig: What do you want Robbie? Robert Raccoon: Come over to the Ezaccess headquarters in Lemington for a very special event. Mummy Pig: Will there be vodka? Robert Raccoon: No, unfortunately. Hitchhiker: I have five unopened bottles of vodka. You can have it, if you want them. Mummy Pig: Yes, please. (The hitchhiker hands over the five bottles of vodka to Mummy Pig.) Mummy Pig: Thanks. Now we can go. Robert Raccoon: Anyway, it's a press conference in which Clarabell the Clown will reveal his deepest, darkest secret. Mummy Pig: Fantastic! When is it? Robert Raccoon: Right now. Peppa: Mummy, who's Clarabell? Mummy Pig: Jimmy. Savile. Peppa Pig: Tell the truth. I'm pretty sure he's not Jimmy. Voice: (singing) Horrid- Mummy Pig: I was only being sarcastic. Peppa: Oh. Robert Raccoon: Can we go? Mummy Pig: Sure. Voice: (offscreen) Sweet Sow is canceled! Mummy Pig: Just fuck off. Voice: (offscreen) Fine. (Mummy Pig shoots the voice with her laser-shooting eyes.) Robert Raccoon: Let's go! (They are teleported near the Ezaccess shed in the Lemington neighborhood of Seatown. But this time, Robert is no longer a floating head.) Mummy Pig: Where's Clarabell? (Robert looks around the place.) Robert Raccoon: Oh no. Mummy Pig: What's going on? Robert Raccoon: I was trying to search for him. Sorry, but I don't know where he is right now. Voice: (offscreen) I'm right here. Robert Raccoon: Oh, man! I totally forgot to bring an octagon. Mummy Pig: Is this how you summon him? Robert Raccoon: No. Lenny Cat: Hi-ya, Robbie and visitors. I'm Lenny and I sunk Hogland. Peppa: Why aren't you in jail then? Lenny Cat: Excuse me? (All of a sudden, Lenny gets grabbed by large robot arms.) Lenny Cat: La-de-da-de-dum, what's the name of that song? Robot: Prepare to face capital punishment, as a result of sinking down Hogland. Voice: (offscreen) Hell no. The robot is the one who actually deserves capital punishment. Robot: You too. (The robot grabs whoever tries to cancel the show.) Geckel Homus: (singing) Horrid heart and graphic high. How divine- Robot: I will self destruct in three seconds. Three, two, one. (explodes) Mummy Pig: That arse hole who tried to cancel our show is dead. Thank goodness. Clarabell: Hey-o! It's me, Clarabell the Clown. I can talk, which has been obvious for about sixty years. Mummy Pig: Nonce. Clarabell: I ain't no nonce, Gary Glitter was. Mummy Pig: Non- Peppa: Toby J. Rathjen is also attending the press conference for some reason. Voice: (offscreen) OH GOD! Toby: Stop calling me a monkey. I AM NOT A FUCKING MONKEY. NOW STOP! Clarabell: Step inside! Toby: Am I a monkey? Yes or no. Voice: (offscreen) I know I can't see yiff if I'm under 18, but what can I say, I'm a teenager, and I think it's normal if I wa- Toby: ANSWER MY GOD DAMN QUESTION! AM I A FUCKING FATASS MONKEY? YES OR NO. Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) Fine! Yes. Toby: I AM NOT A MONKEY! I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU IF YOU SAY I'M A FATASS MONKEY AGAIN! UNDERSTAND, SIR? Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) You know what? I'm a 17-year-old college freshman! Mummy Pig: No, I am. Clarabell: In other words, my secret is very true and important. Peppa: Are you gay? Are you a furry? Are you possessed? Are you drunk? Voice: (offscreen) I like watching yiff, even if it's for adults, that's my pref... Mummy Pig: Peppa, do you drink vodka? Peppa: Of course, not. Mummy Pig: Well you should. Peppa: Why? I'm only six years old. Mummy Pig: You're 210 years-old, as I'm 550 years-old. It's true, yes indeed. Peppa: The fuck? Voice: (imitating Marvey Harvey) Sleep, children, sleep. Clarabell: You shall not know my secret, until I reveal it. Robert Raccoon: Never. Peppa: Why is Emily here? Robert Raccoon: (deep voice) She's dead. Let's see. Peppa: Mummy, why did you divorce daddy? Mummy Pig: This episode contains more pop culture references than- Voice: (imitating Marvey Harvey) Sleep. Clarabell: The cast of Howdy Doody will appear right after the following segment. Mummy Pig: But aren't they all dead? Clarabell: Actors. Roll the tape, Robert! Robert Raccoon: Alright. (Robert starts to project a clip from a 1981 episode of The Late Evening Show hosted by Marvey Harvey, in front of Clarabell.) Marvey: (on screen) Dust to dust is projectful in the wonders of magic. Clarabell: I really miss the magic of The Howdy Doody Show. It was a really good show, but it was low budget. Buffalo Bob shouted and the peanut gallery star- Robert Raccoon: Shh! Be quiet, the tape is rolling. Clarabell: Sorry. Marvey: (on screen) I re-present... Anwale Looges. Clarabell: Who's that? Mummy Pig: Jimmy. Savile. Clarabell: Stop saying that. I know that he's not Jimmy Savile. Mummy Pig: Does it look like I give an ass? Clarabell: Be quiet. I'm trying to watch him. Anwale Looges: Thank you. I am proud to be on this program with Marvey. Marvey: My lovely guest, what is your favorite moment? Anwale Looges: It was when (BLEEP). Marvey: That's great. Am I a wonderful host? Anwale Looges: Not really, but I'll stay. Marvey: I have something to say. I love you. Anwale Looges: What? Marvey: Because I do, my wonderful soulmate. Anwale Looges: Oh, I- I love you too, father. Marvey: Do you know Clarabell the Clown? Anwale Looges: Of course, he's from Howdy Doody. Marvey: Did you watch Howdy Doody when you were a kid? Anwale Looges: No, because I wasn't living in America at the time. Marvey: How do you know about it then? Anwale Looges: (BLEEP). Marvey: Oh. And now, prepare fo- (The clip has finished being projected.) Clarabell: Now where is my good ol' pal, Howdy Doody? (The cast of Howdy Doody appear next to Clarabell.) Howdy Doody: Oh golly, it's really you. My good pal Clarabell. What do you do these days? Clarabell: Hey, Howdy. I'm about to reveal my darkest, deepest secret I've told no one. Howdy Doody: It's not the same without Buffalo Bob. It's been twenty years without him. I miss him. Clarabell: I feel the same too, old friend. Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) It's Howdy Doody time! Howdy Doody: Who said that? Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) Excuse me. Just recording some lines for Santed Sailor. Howdy Doody: Mayor Bluster? Mayor Bluster: What do you want from me? Howdy Doody: Why the fuck am I breaking character? Mayor Bluster: Hau many times? Howdy Doody: Dilly, my childhood friend became to be known as Gary Glitter in the UK. I wonder where he is now? Mayor Bluster: Not to surprise you, but I'm Gary Glitter. Howdy Doody: So you're a pedophile. Mayor Bluster: He's gonna take you back to the past. Howdy Doody: Is Dilly in jail? (Mayor Bluster transforms into a tall, buff James Rolfe.) Howdy Doody: Who the fuck are you? Robert Raccoon: (singing) He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard. Howdy Doody: James Rolfe or Rolf Harris? Robert Raccoon: (singing) He's the angry Nintendo nerd. Howdy Doody: Oh. (Howdy Doody morphs into Rolf Harris.) Rolf Harris: I'm not a pedophile. Alright? Robert Raccoon: Yes you are, and you're grounded grounded grounded for that. Rolf Harris: WAH! (Rolf Harris starts to get squished.) Rolf Harris: Damn you, Rootie Kazootie! (Rolf Harris's spirit flies out his body and morphs into Rootie Kazootie.) Voice: (offscreen) Survival. Howdy Doody: What happened? Rootie Kazootie: Answers. Howdy Doody: Your show was shit. (Rootie Kazootie disappears.) Clarabell: When girls were girls, and men were men. Those were the days. Howdy Doody: Who the fuck is Rolf Harris? Clarabell: Memory records. Mummy Pig: Howdy? Howdy Doody: Yes. Mummy Pig: Are you a pedophile? Howdy Doody: Hell no! (Howdy's head transforms into Jimmy's head, and his head starts to grow.) Howdy Doody: (In Jimmy Savile's voice) Now then, now then. (The background starts to swirl into a version with every color painted a bright blue color, which gradually changes to green.) Toby: What are you talking about? Howdy Doody: (in Jimmy Savile's voice) Who's the funniest clown we know? Clara-clara, Clarabell. Toby: For the last time, I!! AM NOT!! A FUCKING MONKEY!! Howdy Doody: (in Jimmy Savile's voice) Hey there little monkey, follow me. Toby: FUCK!!! THAT'S IT! Voice: (offscreen) That was a prank. Toby: I AM NOT A FUCKING MONKEY! (Toby transforms into a gorilla.) Mummy Pig: Turn it into a meditation center. Toby: Ah-ah. Roar. Peppa: This isn't actually a press conference. (When Robert hears Peppa say that, he walks up to her growling.) Peppa: What the hell do you want? (Suddenly, Robert starts to bark at Peppa.) Peppa: Are you psycho? Robert Raccoon: IF THIS IS A PRESS CONFERENCE, THEN IT IS! END OF STORY! Peppa: Okay. Is Clarabell gay? Clarabell: Nope. Voice: Raccoons cannot growl or bark, r*****! Robert Raccoon: I'm not just a raccoon, you know. Voice: You're a dumbass. Robert Raccoon: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!? (howls) Voice: Are you a werewolf? Robert Raccoon: No, but I'm half-wolf, as my mother was a wolf. Voice: But isn't bestiality illegal in Lemington? Robert Raccoon: Chris-Chan! Tara the Android: (singing) I feel fantastic, hey, hey! Robert Raccoon: JULAAAY! (Tara vanishes from existence, and the background turns back to normal.) Tim Wilder: Hey Robbie. I just found out that you're my second cousin, since your mother is my mom's cousin. How cool is that? Robert Raccoon: I feel fantastic. Hey, hey. Mummy Pig: I miss Dan Schneider. Maybe I shouldn't have murdered him last night. (Dan Schneider pops up next to Mummy Pig.) Dan: Feet! Mummy Pig: Maybe I shouldn't have said that to myself. Clarabell: And now, ladies and gentlemen. My biggest secret. Mummy Pig: NOT YET! Clarabell: Why not? Mummy Pig: It's not dark enough yet. Clarabell: Shit! Mummy Pig: We need to make this episode weirder and longer or else Sweet Sow will be cancelled. Robert Raccoon: Guess what, bitches? Peppa: What is it? Robert Raccoon: I'm Chris-Chan, and I bring you- (Robert transforms into a still image of Chris-Chan that floats in mid-air.) Toby: Am I a fucking monkey, Chris-Chan? (As a demonic voice mumbles in the background, this caption appears: "~In the year 1978, Chris-Chan pirated a Russian bootleg of Doom 3D") Mayor Bluster: That looks groovy! (Mayor Bluster squishes while entering a portal located above him. Then he returns as Dylan Klebold.) Toby: Hey funny guy, am I a fucking monkey? Yes or no. You better say no. Or else. Dylan Klebold: Yes. (Dylan's head splits in half, revealing the head from Doom inside him.) Doom Head: Surprise, mothafa**ot! Toby: THAT'S IT! I WILL FUCKING KI- (Toby squishes, rotates, and turns into a silhouette. Then the background colors turn into a jungle wallpaper and Howdy Doody starts flying.) Howdy Doody: I'm about to break character for real. Clarabell: DON'T! Please don't. (Howdy Doody shatters like glass.) Clarabell: Rest in peace. Howdy Doody: I'm not dead, I'm just finding a new host. (Suddenly, Howdy's spirit starts to morph into Steve Urkel.) Steve Urkel: Did I do that? Rootie Kazootie: Show off! Steve Urkel: What did I do wrong? Rootie Kazootie: YOU COPIED ME! Lenny Cat: Copied what? I was just watching Mr. Rogers meeting Big Bird on Sesame Street. Rootie Kazootie: Steve Urkel copied me. Lenny Cat: STEVIL AND CARLSBAD AND EVIL PUPPETS. EEK! (Lenny morphs into an entire episode of Family Matters, which is speeded up to 8 seconds. Then he transforms into whoever last appeared in it, as the press conference becomes white.) Carl Winslow: Steve? Steve Urkel: What is it? Carl Winslow: You are under arrest for assaulting a police officer. Steve Urkel: Did I do that? (A large, rotating VHS tape flies toward Carl Winslow.) Carl Winslow: Buzz off! I'm trying to cuff this wacko. (The VHS tape hits Carl's back, causing him to become a gray-blue silhouette and get squished like an analog TV set being switched off. Then the whole background is changed to All the Single Furries.) Tony the Tiger: That's grrr-eat! (Mummy Pig's head appears floating in the air.) Mummy Pig: (deep voice) This episode contains more pop culture references than- Voice: (offscreen) YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP! Mummy Pig: Systematic failed. (implodes) Zack Morris: I didn't know that Mother Earth was in here. Robert Raccoon: This song's driving me insane. Steve Urkel: (singing) Hip hip hooray, the super readers saved the day. We ch- (Steve Urkel transforms back into Howdy Doody.) Howdy Doody: The Facts of Life Girls get Grounded. Robert Raccoon: (stomping) I! NAME! IS NOT! Peppa: What the fuck is even going on? But I know that it's morphing time, bitch! (Peppa morphs into Courtney from the Total Drama franchise.) Courtney: Bitch, if anyone says "bitch" again, I act like a psychopath. Robert Raccoon: You said it though, hypocrite! Courtney: Bitch, are you talking shit about me? Fuck you, bitch. Robert Raccoon: EESKETIIT!!! Courtney: RAWR! I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU! (Robert Raccoon floats away and summons Lil Pump, as he morphs into a DVD.) Lil Pump: Fuck your airline, fuck your company. Courtney: Bitch, what do you even mean? Lil Pump: Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang. (The background turns into static, and cuts to a video with Timothy Stanton.) Timothy Stanton: Time for a new segment I'd like to call Ben Salutes. Voice: (offscreen) BOO! Your show is shit. Timothy Stanton: I wanna get high. (Timmy takes his face off by his forehead, revealing himself as Jimmy Savile.) Jimmy Savile: Now then, now then, guys and gals. Courtney: Oh shit! (Courtney transforms back into Peppa.) Lil Pump: (face melts) My lean cost more than your rent. Clarabell: This is some press conference. (Lil Pump shakes his body and collapses, causing the video to switch back to All the Single Furries.) Tony the Tiger: Furries are grrr-eat! Peppa: Nope. Tony the Tiger: You wanna fight? Peppa: I was just kidding. They are great. Tony the Tiger: That's right! (Robert Raccoon (in DVD form) flies toward Peppa.) Peppa: What the fuck? (The DVD hits Peppa, causing her to glitch and vanish. Then the background changes to a rainbow gradient, as Robert transforms back to normal.) Robert Raccoon: I have consumed Peppa Pig. Clarabell: Why? That's gross. Robert Raccoon: No. I meant I consumed Peppa by storing her as data in my DVD self. Clarabell: Oh. How many pop culture references are in this episode? Howdy Doody: One too many. William: Sweet Sow is cringe. Peppa: What? No it fucking isn't! Lil Pump: (wakes up) EESKEETIT! (Lil Pump's head splits apart from his body, rotates, and grows. His eyes turn red, as the background becomes black.) Clarabell: Lil Pump? Where are you? (Lil Pump vomits the hitchhiker.) Clarabell: That's not the hitchhiker, that's Emily Elephant. (The hitchhiker transforms into Emily Elephant, as his spirit flies out her body and vanishes.) Emily Elephant: Sweet Sow is against men. Peppa: Are you being serious? (Suddenly, Emily gets zapped by Lil Pump's eyes and explodes.) Clarabell: And that's a wrap! Robert Raccoon: I don't feel so good. (Robert splits apart from Dan Schneider, who he was inside of somehow, and gets sucked into the wall.) Robert Raccoon: I'm stuck! Please get me out of here. Voice: (offscreen) Fofão. Robert Raccoon: Shoot. That means I'm stuck for good. Steve Urkel: (offscreen) Guardians of the Galaxy. Robert Raccoon: Did I do that? Steve Urkel: (offscreen) Yes! Rocket Raccoon. Robert Raccoon: Because I'm a raccoon, I am deeply offended by that statement. Mateusz: (offscreen) Hmm. Robert Raccoon: What do you want? Mateusz: Was this supposed to be about me or what? Robert Raccoon: No, we're not talking about you. Mateusz: Oh. Hmm... (disappears) Fofão: Hello child. Give me the Scripted Sculpt. Robert Raccoon: I can't because I'm trapped inside this wall. Can't you see? Fofão: I have an NBC logo fetish, since you must morph into the NBC Productions logo from a MeTV airing of Saved By The Bell or you're grounded. Robert Raccoon: I'm trying, ugh... (Robert deforms as he becomes red.) Robert Raccoon: (distorted voice) I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. (Robert starts to clone 200 times.) Fofão: MORPH! YOU MUST MORPH! Robert Raccoon: (distorted voice) Sorry, but I couldn't. Fofão: Well, I shall morph into that certain logo the- (XXXTentacion crushes Fofão.) XXXTentacion: Bitch, my death was just a hoax. (XXXTentacion shapeshifts into a large reptilian, then rotates a bit. Toby seems to have disappeared, and Mummy Pig has returned, except she now has her full body.) Mummy Pig: Peppa? Peppa: What do you need? I'm transforming into the NBC Productions logo. (Mummy Pig talks, but she has no voice, and she starts to decompose.) Voice: (offscreen) MORPH! YOU MUST MORPH, BOTH OF YOU! Mummy Pig: Okay, if you say so. (Mummy Pig transforms into the NBC Productions logo. Then all the characters' colors become inverted except Clarabell.) Clarabell: Why is everyone except me inverted? Howdy Doody: MY EYES!!! Clarabell: HOWDY NO!! (Howdy transforms into Gary Glitter, and dances while floating.) Gary Glitter: You can't stop me, cause I'm Gary Glitter and I ain't no pedo. Mummy Pig: Yes, you are. Gary Glitter: What? NOOOOOOO- (vanishes) Clarabell: Mummy Pig, how dare you make Gary Glitter disappear. That's it! I will transform into Pennywise and spook you for life. Mummy Pig: Oh fuck! (Clarabell transforms into Pennywise and spooks Mummy Pig.) Pennywise: We all float down here. (Mummy Pig screams, and a video plays in the background called "Furry Girls (SEXY).") Pennywise: That's what you get. You know what? I will summon Gary Glitter and bring him back to the press conference. Mummy Pig: Blast off, bitch. Pennywise: GO TO SPACE, SLUT! (Mummy Pig flies up in the sky, breaking a hole in the ceiling.) Pennywise: I will summon Gary Glitter, so we can change back to normal. (Pennywise summons Gary Glitter.) Gary Glitter: (offscreen) What shall you do, Pennywise? Pennywise: Change back into Howdy Doody or you're grounded. Gary Glitter: Alright. (Gary Glitter transforms back into Howdy Doody.) Pennywise: Thank you. (Pennywise transforms back into Clarabell. The NBC Productions jingle plays in the background, albeit slowed down and on an indefinite loop.) Peppa: Where the fuck is mummy? Clarabell: In space. Peppa: Good. I never liked that bitch. (The screen turns upside down.) Mummy Pig: (offscreen) YOU ARE SO FUCKING GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR LIFE, PEPPA! Peppa: What for? Mummy Pig: (offscreen) Being a brat. Howdy Doody: It's been exactly twenty years since Buffalo Bob Smith passed away. In honor of him, we will be hosting a beauty pageant in his memory. Mummy Pig: (offscreen) If you win this, then you're so ungrounded for life. Voice: (offscreen) Children! Emily Elephant: I will enter the pageant, only to prove that Sweet Sow hates men. William: I'll also enter, even though Sweet Sow is cringe, to be honest. (Clarabell grows to be tall, and stands on the bottom of the frame.) Clarabell: Is this the right time to reveal my secret? Howdy Doody: Not yet. We're hosting a beauty pageant. Remember? Clarabell: Does it look like I care? Voice: (offscreen) Sweet Sow will be cancelled if this episode doesn't feature a beauty pageant and you will be executed for that. Clarabell: WAH! NO! NO! NO! Peppa: Come down, mummy. (Mummy Pig floats down into the shed.) Mummy Pig: You're a beauty queen, bitch! Peppa: I know. Someone wants to cancel our show just for not featuring a beauty pageant. Mummy Pig: I'll have to kill you if you don't win. Peppa: Oh shit! Mummy Pig: Yeah. So get dressed, actually like a bitch, and try to impress the judges because this might be your last beauty pageant. Peppa: Okay. Mummy Pig: You can get dressed in this body bag. (Peppa gets dressed in the body bag.) Peppa: How do I look? Mummy Pig: Perfect. William: Can I please wear the body bag? I'm also entering. Mummy Pig: MY SHOW IS NOT CRINGE! Voice: You are under arrest for incorrect use of the word "cringe." Mummy Pig: FUCK OFF, GRAMMAR NAZI! (William somehow disappears.) Mummy Pig That's what he gets for being a hater. Howdy Doody: It's time for the pageant. Clarabell: Alright, but please make sure it lasts for less than five seconds in order to save time. Howdy Doody: I'll try. Clarabell: Actually, try to make it under two minutes instead. (William appears on the stage, wearing Mummy Pig's body bag.) Howdy Doody: William's body bag outfit, zero. (As Howdy blinks his eyes, twice, William starts to become slightly invisible.) Howdy Doody: Next. (Emily Elephant appears on the stage, next to a slightly invisible William.) Howdy Doody: Effortless, fake fur coat, four out of ten. (Howdy snaps his fingers, and Emily is transformed into the NBC peacock.) Howdy Doody: Peppa's fancy gown, ten out of ten. (Howdy stands up, makes a weird hand signal, which makes William and Emily vanish.) Howdy Doody: Congratulations. Peppa: Hell yeah! Lil Pump: ESKETIT! (Lil Pump gets sucked into the wall, causing a video to play. It is basically a photo of him waving as if it was underwater, along with a distorted version of "Gucci Gang" playing.) Clarabell: And now, ladies and gentlemen. Prepare for my biggest secret. Howdy Doody: Oh boy, this is gonna be swell. Clarabell: I know. Drumroll, please? (A drumroll starts playing in the background. Random people appear waiting for Clarabell to reveal his secret, some of which are not in the audience.) Part 2 (The drumroll is continued from the first part.) Mummy Pig: Another chills gone by. (The drumroll stops.) Clarabell: I am the creator of the iSally Islands, as well as the Scripted Sculpt. Mummy Pig: What's so special about the Scripted Sculpt thingy anyway? Clarabell: Me. (Clarabell morphs into Little Guy.) Little Guy: Hello everyone. I'm Little Guy, the king of 123 Greeny Phatom. Peppa: Greeny Phatom is shit. (All the Single Furries is triggered to be played again.) Little Guy: Peppa, how dare you say that to me? That's it. (The whole shed slowly becomes taller and thinner, and the walls move closer to each other.) Peppa: STOP! (The sound of glass shattering is heard, and the background becomes black again. Also, the clones of Robert Raccoon reappear.) Mummy Pig: Morph back into Clarabell or you're grounded for life. Little Guy: If you say so. (Little Guy morphs back into Clarabell.) Robert Raccoon: All hail Greeny Phatom! Mayor Bluster: And screw The Howdy Doody Show, since Rootie Kazootie is one million times better. Howdy Doody: True. My show was shit. (Clarabell morphs into Dr. Beanson.) Dr. Beanson: I'm Dr. Beanson, the one-of-a-kind soldier that brings you this message. Dan: FEET! Mayor Bluster: Dan is one creepy pervert. Dan: What's that? Mayor Bluster: Idiot. (Dan decomposes and becomes Dr. PBS.) Dr. PBS: Sesame Street is E/I, meaning that it's both educational and informative for young audiences. Howdy Doody: I don't give a fuck! Dr. PBS: Do you want a reboot on PBS Kids? Howdy Doody: Sure. (Howdy stretches and flies out of the shed.) Mayor Bluster: WAIT FOR ME!! Dr. PBS: Howdy Doody has gone with the wind. Mayor Bluster: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Dr. PBS: If you wanna be in the reboot, then fly out of the shed and seek WHYY. Mayor Bluster: Frankly my dear, I don't give a da- Dr. PBS: You're in the reboot. Whether you like it or not. Mayor Bluster: Fine! (Mayor Bluster flies out of the shed. Timothy appears.) Timothy Stanton: Shaking lovers, confirmed by NASA. For real this time. Dr. PBS: Do I look like I give a shit? Timothy Stanton: No swearing on my Christian TV show. Dr. PBS: I don't actually care about your show. Timothy Stanton: YOU MONSTER! Dr. PBS: Of course. (Dr. PBS transforms into a monster and disappears.) Peppa: This isn't even a press conference, it's an extravaganza for Clarabell. Robert Raccoon: An extravaganza? What's that? Mummy Pig: It's a really big party, dumbass. Robert Raccoon: I AM NOT A DUMBASS! STOP CALLING ME A DUMBASS! NBC: (offscreen) Robert? Robert Raccoon: What is it? NBC: (offscreen) Do you want your own show on NBC? Robert Raccoon: Yes, please. But first, let me escape this wall. (Robert escapes the wall and turns back to normal, as all his clones disappear.) Mason: (offscreen) Shut your chet up! I will kill you and your mother and eat your intestines. Robert Raccoon: Nope. Mason: Yes. My friend Daniel will smack you so hard that your intestines will be hanging out of your butt. Robert Raccoon: Fast down, bitch. Mason: What in the fuck is happening to me? Robert Raccoon: (different voice) Request invalid. Mason: I WILL FUCKING SMACK YOUR ASS SO HARD THAT YOU WILL BE CRYING TO YOUR MAMA! (Mason transforms into a printed paper cutout of Jimmy Savile.) Jimmy Savile: Now then, now then... (The paper cutout flies toward Robert.) Robert Raccoon: Did I do that? Jimmy Savile: Gary Glitter and Rolf Harris are my friends. They ain't pedos and that's true. They're not. Robert Raccoon: Bullshit! They were always pedophiles, and I know it. Oh hi, Mark. Jimmy Savile: They ain’t. You’re lying. (Jimmy Savile explodes.) Robert Raccoon: I'm going to the NBC headquarters to discuss ideas for a new show. (Dr. Beanson appears next to Robert.) Dr. Beanson: Alright. (Robert vanishes. The shed stops squeezing, and it floats up and spins, as the screen rotates back to normal.) Timothy Stanton: WHOA! That almost made me dizzy. Mummy Pig: We need to go back to our hotel room in Rome. Dr. Beanson: Not right now, folks! Before you go, you must watch my greatest trick of all time. Mummy Pig: No thanks. Dr. Beanson: Do it, or else you shall meet Death. Mummy Pig: Fine. (Dr. Beanson's shirt turns blue.) Mummy Pig: Do you mean that's it? Dr. Beanson: Yes. Mummy Pig: Time to go back to Italy, Peppa. Peppa: Thank God. It's crazy in here. Dr. Beanson: (in Dr. PBS's voice) Good night. (Dr. Beanson flies out of the shed, causing everyone but Peppa and Mummy Pig to disappear.) Peppa: How are we going to get back? Mummy Pig: By accessing a wormhole, duh! Peppa: I forgot about that. (Mummy Pig and Peppa teleport out of the scene.) Smokepurpp: (offscreen) Yuh. Yuh. Lil Purpp. Lil Pump: (offscreen) Lil Pump. (Wagucorn appears out of nowhere.) Wagucorn, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Yuh. Huh? Lil Pump: (offscreen) Brrrt. Wagucorn, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Okay. Lil Pump: (offscreen) Yuh. Wagucorn, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Yuh. Lil Pump: (offscreen) Yuh. Wagucorn and Smokepurpp: (offscreen) Yuh. Lil Pump: (offscreen) Ooh. Wagucorn, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Yuh. Lil Pump: (offscreen) Ooh! Wagucorn, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Huh? Lil Pump: (offscreen) Ooh! Wagucorn: Yuh. (The background becomes trippy, as a distorted hip hop beat plays.) Wagucorn: What in Hell is happening right now? Majira Strawberry: (offscreen) I hid being a furry from my parents for about two years because I didn't really feel the need to tell them. (The head of Lil Pump from before floats into the shed.) Lil Pump: Lil Pump, yuh. Voice: (offscreen) Huh, yuh, ooh! Wagucorn: I think my brain is shrinking. Voice: (offscreen) Terrible TV Shows Wiki is shit. Wagucorn: Des- pa- Majira Strawberry: (offscreen) Yuh. Lil Pump: Ey. Smokepurpp: Yuh. Majira Strawberry, Lil Pump, and Smokepurpp: Yuh. (Wagucorn collapses.) Wagucorn: Lil Pump, this whole scene is making my mind shrink. I blame you for appearing in this episode. Lil Pump: Psst. (The shed disappears and Wagucorn is teleported outside.) Voice: (offscreen) Derek is in Barney’s club, and Adam has a ticket. Wagucorn: Do I give a shit? Voice: (offscreen) Yes, you do. Wagucorn: I don't. XXXTentacion: (offscreen, imitating Fat Albert) Hey hey hey, children! Wagucorn: Who said that? Is it that rapist? (XXXTentacion appears. His face has been deformed from taking meth.) XXXTentacion: I'm XXXTentacion, except I'm still alive and I've turned kid-friendly! Wagucorn: How? You have not turned kid-friendly. XXXTentacion: What do you mean? Wagucorn: XXX is a symbol for pornography, so you’re not kid-friendly. XXXTentacion: Pornography? What on earth is that thing? (laughs manically) Wagucorn: Dumb fuck. (XXXTentacion's body shakes as his flesh starts to rot.) Robert Raccoon: My shed! Where the hell did it run off to? Wagucorn: Don't care. XXXTentacion: (talking to Robert) Bitch, gimme a diamond. (Robert picks out meth from his pocket and hands it to XXXTentacion. He then sniffs it.) XXXTentacion: Back when I was a toddler, I used to play a video game called Hitler and Stalin. (Andrew Angle appears in the sky, wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses.) Andrew Angle: (singing) I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant. Wagucorn: God? Is that you? Andrew Angle: (singing) In the sky, wearing a hat. I’m singing in the sky. (The ghost of Geckel Homus appears.) Geckel Homus: Andrew. If you dare to sing Despacito, this episode is over. Andrew Angle: (singing) Despa- (All of a sudden, the episode gets interrupted with the Seven Network sign-off ID.) Choir: Horrid heart and graphic high. How divine, come home- Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) Not so fast. Geckel Homus: Oh shit! Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) I hope that you’re rotting in Hell. Geckel Homus: I’m not in Hell. You’re the one in Hell. Timothy Stanton: No, it's you who's in Hell! Geckel Homus: Lies! You're the biggest EastEnders fan on earth, and that's- (gets caught on fire) WAH! Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) General Hospital is better. (Geckel Homus sinks into the ground.) Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) That’s what you get for claiming that I watch EastEnders. (Timothy squishes in the air and transforms into the EastEnders intro.) XXXTentacion: Who wants to come and play with me? (XXXTentacion morphs into the reptilian from before.) XXXTentacion: (offscreen) Yuh. (A man in a chicken mask appears in a circle.) Chicken Man: ...abound to what you say, now! Censor- (The circle shrinks and disappears. All of a sudden, a scene where Mummy Pig and Peppa are in their hotel room, crushes everyone.) Mummy Pig: Peppa? Peppa: Yes, mummy. Mummy Pig: Why are you a macrophile? Peppa: I don't give a damn! Mummy Pig: That's not an answer. Tell me how you got a fetish for giants in the first place. (Robert Raccoon breaks out from the floor.) Robert Raccoon: Whatever happened to Four (BLEEP) Friends? Peppa: If you want a cute fu- Robert Raccoon: No thank you. Mummy Pig: Peppa, I think you've been involved with the (BLEEP) lately. That kind of stuff isn't meant for your age. Peppa: (in Angelica’s voice) Dumb babies! Robert Raccoon: Peppa, you're really a macrophile (BLEEP). I know because I saw your profile on (BLEEP). Peppa: Vileness fats. Robert Raccoon: Fine. For some reason, we're not allowed to say the word (BLEEP). Chicken Man: (offscreen) That's right! Robert Raccoon: Who said that? Come on, let's go find an octagon. (The circle with the chicken man inside it from before, grows.) Chicken Man: Civil authorities in your area have reported that the bodies of the dead are rising from their graves and attacking the living. Robert Raccoon: Hey chicken mask guy, why can't we say the word (BLEEP)? Chicken Man: We here at Seven Network are getting sick and tired... Robert Raccoon: Ooh. Chicken Man: ...of hearing that word in every single episode of Sweet Sow. Every instance of that word is being censored as a result. Robert Raccoon: (low-pitched voice) ESKETIT!! (Robert shoots the chicken man, and he turns out to be Geckel Homus.) Geckel Homus: Sweet Sow has been canceled. Mummy Pig: What the fuck? I thought you were dead. Geckel Homus: If not, press cash. Mummy Pig: Fat fuck. Geckel Homus: Don't care. You must make your choice in thirty seconds, otherwise this episode is over. Voice: (offscreen) GECKEL SHALL BE EXTERMINATED! Geckel Homus: No, it's you who shall be exterminated. Voice: (offscreen) EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE! Geckel Homus: Nonce- (Geckel Homus gets exterminated.) Mummy Pig: Shall we end this episode here? The End. Category:Sweet Sow episodes Category:Fanon